Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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