If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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