I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
