so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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