So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
