Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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