She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
