i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
