dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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