somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize