Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
