he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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