I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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