This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Congratulations! We have a period
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
