You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
