Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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