i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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