why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize