Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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