dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
