Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
