also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize