I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
