I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
