I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize