Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
