Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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