Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
