i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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