Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
