Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
