Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize