I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
