guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
