Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
