And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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