You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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