Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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