I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
