It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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