I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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