i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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