ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
