Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
