i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just google imaged poop.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
