considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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