she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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