Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
