you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
