In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
