mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
