my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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