There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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