I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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