there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
