He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
