none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
