omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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