Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
