sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize