it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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