He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
