The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
