Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Randomize
