just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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