she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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