Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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