If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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