im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
