Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize