I'm so fucking centered right now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
