He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
