would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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