feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who died my cat blue again?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
