it hurts more in the daytime
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
