Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That accounts for only three of the penises
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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