Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm too high and old for this...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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