I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
