i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
