mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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