So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can Purell be used as lube?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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