Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
