If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
