Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
