i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
