Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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