Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
whose parrot is this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
