Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
