Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize