This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
