You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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