Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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