nut hugger
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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