what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
