I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
