Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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