Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
