god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
