So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize