remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
