Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
