she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
