I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
