addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
