5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
