guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
